Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

How much responsibility do you take for how people treat you? Who’s fault is it when others “do you wrong?”

Boy,that’s a lot to swallow. So let’s break it down. Assuming that we all were born and raised with the same background,same family history and same social and economical advantages,it would be also safe to assume that we all held the same regard when it comes to our ideas on how we treat others,the difference between right and wrong and where our moral and ethical loyalties lie.
If this were the case,each of us could accept without provocation that what happens to us is a direct result of something we’ve done. That we are the cause of what effects us. Right? We alone hold the key to how are lives turn out. That there is no such thing as luck. There is no such thing as fate. There is no such thing as Karma. But that we alone by what we say,do,how we act or react determines our outcome in life. Is that something you can live with? Can you or would you be willing to take personal responsibility for everything in your life?

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that you are a responsible person. You are a hard-working,caring,compassionate individual that goes above and beyond for everyone. If everyone else would just do what they’re supposed to do,you could enjoy life stress free, be successful and embrace your full potential.
Well guess what? You assumed wrong!!

We are not all apples from the same tree. We haven’t all shared the same family history,advantages,disadvantages,blessings or tragedies. We are not all the same.   And with that firmly established it’s reasonable to say,we are “Created equal,differently.” Most people will argue that we cannot avoid what happens to us. How can we be responsible for unprovoked hostility, undeserving maleficence or downright mistreatment and abuse from others when there’s no way we would cause harm to ourselves? 

The truth of the matter is,in many ways we are the problem. Now before you start getting upset and start reasoning that bad things happen to good people all the time,that there are legitimate cases where people are victims and the innocent are wrongly convicted, I want you to think only about this: How many times have you heard an abuser say of their victim “They asked for it.”? or How many times have you heard someone say “It’s not my fault,I’m not to blame.”? This is an example of someone not taking personal responsibility for what they’ve done to someone else. In our world,everyday,the innocent,the victims, the one’s suffering are being held responsible for what happens to them by the ones that are doing the harm. The robber is blaming the person being robbed!

In the beginning I asked you “Who’s fault is it?” when others do you wrong. And I’ve played devil’s advocate by subtly insinuating that the root of all that’s evil comes from within you. Like it or not,different or the same,one thing remains constant: We,you and I,are responsible for maybe not everything that get’s thrown in our way but whether we allow it to stay. We choose the ideas that motivate the steps we take towards either walking into or away from what could hurt us. Define yourself by accepting that 99.9% of who you are today is a direct result of the choices you make 100% of the time.

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Once more.

How great must a suffering be before it becomes a lesion? What more can be done once the well of forgiveness has gone dry? When do I stop dying?

Shall I leave my number by the door? Should I wait just a little more? Can I give another day? Could I convince myself anymore?

Empty is the hand that keeps on giving but full is the heart.

And I am not bitter but sweet with relief. Dripping in the comfort of my worth.

As I feel no pain in the torment of forever. Resting in the garden of amor.

Treat me like no other but as the same. An equal to the measures of your vanity. Equal and yet unequivocal.

Go ahead and hate me.

I don’t care anymore.

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Blood is thicker than water.
Says who?
The saying “Blood is thicker than water ” can leave a bad taste in the mouth of anyone who has had a clash with a family member. At the turn of the century, the connotation of the family unit drastically changed. And so did it’s values. The iconic given that family should always have your back and be there through thick and thin has been reduced for some to a mere,”yea,we’re related.”

What do you do if you find that not a river,but an ocean, has sprung up between you and a family member?
Are family “break ups” easier or harder to repair?

A friend of mine *Mary(names have been changed to protect the innocent and NOT so innocent) had went through a nasty divorced a few years back. After 20 some years of marriage and 3 children,she had snuggled into the daily routine of working part time and raising her family full time while her husbands’ job provided the family with all their needs. So when she found out that her husband was not just working 9-5 but putting in overtime with a co worker, she was about to find herself ,”In the thick” of things.

Of course Mary had support from everyone around her: Friends,family,even her newly found social network comforted and eased her pain through the dark times. But what stung Mary the hardest was how some members of her family were not only comforting her but comforting her husband as well. It was unimaginable. The pain and embarrassment was enough to deal with but to feel that anyone who cared,who truly loved her,could feel sympathy for the man that had turned her world upside down was a smack in the face. And cut like a knife,right in the back.

Now granted,time has gone by and both *Mary and *Jack have remarried and have managed to repair their torn relationships with the adaption of *Co-parenting,and the kids have grown and have accepted having weekends at dads and every other holiday with mom as the norm. But rips and tears still remain for the family of Mary who found themselves instead of straddled on the fence,pushed right over.

Now I can’t say if  Mary can ever forgive her family for what she feels was the ultimate betrayal. But what I can say is that there are times in our lives when either being an outsider looking in or being the center of a dramatic fallout we need to have a solid support team. We may need to expect now and again that we can’t assume that family will always stand on ourside. And quite honestly,it may even be unfair to ask. But the one thing that is without a doubt is that no matter what unexpected turn of events come our way our greatest advocate comes from within. If you build yourselves up,take responsibility for your self image and believe strongly in your truth,you won’t need to be reminded of the fact that not everyone has your back.

For tips on *Co-parenting

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Thank you for letting me go. Thank you for letting me down. Thank you for breaking your promise that you will always be around. Thank you for lying and misleading me. Thank you for trying and trying to convince me that you were the one for me. I thank you from all the way down to the bottom of my heart.I thank you for reminding me that you played a part, a part in my never ending search for the one who was created to hold on to my heart ♥

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🙂 “Wzzup”


🙂 “Miss u.”

😉 “Miss u2”

Strictly Text. The newest craze in relationship status. Basing an entire relationship strictly on text. From “Morning sexy” to “Night luv” to including an occasional xoxoxo between, Purely “textual” relationships offer an array of benefits. Without leaving the comfort of your home and completely on your time,you can choose what to show and when and how to show any information you wish someone knows about you before taking things to a physical level. It allows you to see just how willing a person is to get to know you before jumping into life long commitment. Affairs via text are a great way to ask questions you normally wouldn’t ask. Saved text. Ahh! to reread those saucy, sweet late night text in the middle of the day as many times as you want can almost make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.

Maintaining “E-Love is not for the faint of heart. Heaven for bid you send “Sweet Kisses,had a great time” to the wrong recipient. Be ready for sometimes racy photos and down right rated-x text that you instantly erase, maybe just save one. Develope realistic goals and markers for when to take things to another level,dinner and a movie perhaps. Be open and Be honest. Use the advantage of not having to see someones face when you clearly state you wanna wait.

With drawbacks,”nutin’ but txt” liaisons are risky. Remember that anything you send  could be used against you some day. Until your in a committed relationship you’re never to sure of who else your partner is texting?

Bottom line: Any relationship you have on the web,in person,or “strictly textual” should never be something that we rush into or play games with,we should always  get to know someone,how they feel and what their goals are no matter what level of intimacy we are seeking.


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Resolve or dissolve?

Which is it, that you do?

Do you put forth the effort to resolve relationships or do you quickly dissolve them?

Do you have real,honest,healthy relationships with your family and friends?

None of us do.

Because at some point down the line we each chose an “oh no she didn’t” moment and turned it into a full-blown “straw that  broke the camel’s back” mindset..



To bring it back together,to make it work,fix.

 Wow, this sounds like a lot of time and effort. Confrontation and fears of making others upset,or being faced with the truths of our relationships, can seem like a high price to pay for someone else’s mistakes. Maybe.

Can you own up to your feelings?

Are you choking on your words because of  their irreversibility?

Confidence is the fearlessness,the courage we have with our true selves. It’s that conversation that we have that we believe in and the ability to admit that we all make mistakes that only makes us stronger.

Choosing to resolve or dissolve happens to us every day. For some it’s a decision that happened in a flash and for others it happen over years. Regardless, it shouldn’t hold you back.

One of life’s standard of measure.

Who’s the bigger person?

Who can carry it through?

Who uses openness to resolve instead of dissolving to save face?

Which do you do?

Where is the disillusion at?

Conquer whatever keeps you from being you only better at it.



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