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Posts Tagged ‘mind’


I spent most of yesterday morning thinking about what I was gonna post today and of course here it is and I’m at a loss for words. Ironic?

Maybe not so much. I’m 41 now had a couple of birthdays since 2012 and really feeling the change.  Spending a lot more time thinking about my past and my future and how to handle them both. What’s important, what’s not so important. Pretty much a slippery slope to a midlife crisis, just without all the panic.

I learned to let go of a lot of things. I learned I’m never gonna get the apologies or thank you’s I deserve and that I can move forward without them.

I learned I need to change the way I think and react towards people who are different from me and think different from the way do.

I’m pinpointing my weaknesses and my strengths which is about the same as letting go of those grandiose, out of reach ideas I have about my life and I how it should be.

And I’ve accepted that there are people who care about me, and some that never will.

All in all, I’m in a critical milestone, a pivotal point in my life that’s requiring more from me than any other time in my life. And I want to be 100% in touch with that. It’s a make it or break it shift. it’s that time when you decide, ok, for the past 40 years I’ve done things and thought a certain way and this is where it’s got me. Do I go all in and keep going or do I try new ideas and see where that takes me as scary as it may be?

 

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Paradise Lost.


Every once in awhile something unexpected comes along that changes your life in an instant. A miracle,a tragedy something out of the Blue. That happen to me. For a long time I held with me an idea that I believed to be true about myself based on someone else’s perspective. Does it make sense to see yourself one way even though you know it’s untrue? Many times if we are confused or weakened,notice I said weakened not weak,but many times in a vulnerable state we can allow others ideas and beliefs to over ride what we know to be truth. Again,that happened to me. I used to believe that someone elses disease was the result of my failures. Not because I really thought I was responsible but because others told me I was. Because other who could not accept that their part found me an easy target. In my heart I knew that I never was the one to blame yet something lay deep inside that always surfaced when my confidence was low. After many years of teeter tottering back and forth over just exactly how much of a bad situation was my fault I come to find out it wasn’t me at all. Myself and many others have had the truth revealed that I was not the cause. The strangest thing is that initially I thought I want to jump up and down and shout “See I told you.” I have been so overcome with relief that all I can think to do is breath. Let out that huge sigh of relief for all the years I’ve been holding my breath waiting for this day to come. Where are all the people that had so much to say now? Where are all the fingers that were pointed at me? Who amongst you tormentors will be the first to say “We were wrong?” The honesty of everything being is that the satisfaction I have gained,the strength that has carried me through all this time has not only been my life raft but has sailed me to higher seas. And the island in my life that I have come ashore is grand. And I leave behind only my footsteps in the sand.

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Thank you for letting me go. Thank you for letting me down. Thank you for breaking your promise that you will always be around. Thank you for lying and misleading me. Thank you for trying and trying to convince me that you were the one for me. I thank you from all the way down to the bottom of my heart.I thank you for reminding me that you played a part, a part in my never ending search for the one who was created to hold on to my heart ♥

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Who cares?


Is it not the greatest of all things to pursue your own happiness? Falling into the concept that you must sacrifice for others may give you the illusive feeling of martyrdom but the reality is you are only feeding the Ego. Feeding the Ego creates the illusion that your happy. But happiness can never be achieved by living through the image of self. Until you come to terms with what it takes to make you happy and you give up the idea that you have to suffer for it you will only continue to suffer because you keep telling yourself that your suffering is the “Right” thing to do,in turn feeding the Ego.

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I am stronger than my fears.~E.K.Espinoza

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Higher.


Had a great 7a.m workout.
It feels so good feeling so physically strong.
It makes you feel like you can do almost anything.

During my run,I thought about how one exercises their mind?
To make it “strong.”
So I can believe I can do anything.

Then I looked down at my legs and thought,run.
Run harder.
Run faster.
Push.

And I thought about the softness of others.
The weakness in their flesh,
In their heads.

It made me laugh to think of how far I’m getting ahead while they’re still in bed.

All because I push myself.

All because that’s just how deep I feel,thats whats real.
To fight with yourself on the inside to change the way people see you on the outside,
you must surface.
and resurface.
and resurface.

Getting high off the run.

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