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Tired of Being Alone

Tired of Being Alone (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In my book “The hardest part is letting go.” One thing is constant. Life finds a way. Nothing can be more truthful. Throughout life we develop this idea of how things should be. The way we should look. The kind of house we should live in. The type of course our lives should follow. When will we accept that it just doesn’t work that way?

So many of us spend our days and nights sculpting ourselves to fit these ideas. Purposely chipping away at what makes us unique just so we won’t stand out. And not only do we do it to ourselves but we do it to others as well. We first develope an idea of how things are supposed to be. Chances are we got these ideas from our parents or from the church we grew up in or from being brought up in a situation we were desperate to get away from. Then we fight and we push and we pull, we do anything we can to get as far away from it as possible,and closer to where in life,we consider we ought to be.

You are exactly where you need to be. The pain and the suffering you are experiencing isn’t coming from the life you are living. It’s coming from the fact that you are resisting living it. You’re tired of struggling. You’re tired of fighting. You’re tired of being taken advantage of and taken for granted. But how much of that has been the result of your choices?

Is it fair to still be subjected to the everyday responsibilities of a bad choices you made 20 years ago? Is it fair that you have to struggle to survive because when an opportunity came your way you were unable or unwilling to take it? Yes! Yes,it is. It’s called a Life lesson. And the longer you keep defending yourself against it, Refusing to acknowledge it and play the victim to it the longer you will continue to live with it day after day after day.

Have you ever heard yourself telling your “life story” to someone you just met? “I was a teen mom,I was married, I was divorced,I am ill, I had a bad upbringing….” You repeat over and over the same story. Now yes,maybe all of that is true. And yes maybe you are the victim of someone else’s destructive behavior. But are you going to continue to live in that chapter of your life? Is this really how you want people to remember you?

Listen to how other people paint the picture of their life. Pay close attention to how they are emotionally attached to things that happen 10,20,30 years ago. Never will anyone come up to you and ever say ” Wow,your life story is so unique,so incredibly remarkable that the world and everyone in it has decided from now on you can do whatever you want,have whatever you want,be whatever you want–Go ahead,it’s on us!”

It’s just not going to happen.

Everyday no matter how ridiculous or small it may be try and do something you normally wouldn’t do. You know how you find it so irritating when people talk about how great it is to do things you would never do like run a marathon,adopt a pet,write a book,volunteer at a shelter. Instead of complaining ,try it.

UGh! you say,”people are so selfish they travel the world and leave their responsibilities behind.” “How can a mother not spend her every waking hour catering to her children every need?” Stop judging what other people do and give yourself the freedom to do those things too. Just because one person finds it ok to have “me time” every other week with friends doesn’t mean you can’t find something you like to do that makes you feel go. Give yourself a break and let yourself off the hook.

Are you struggling because you refuse to let people help you? Are you a victim because you can’t say “No?”

The thought for today is: Slow down. Let life happen to you. Let people be upset with you. Let mistakes happen. Don’t be in a hurry to do everything right away and perfect. People are not going to like that you are not jumping when they want you to. Others insecurities are going to cause them to blame you for what they can’t accomplish-so what! It doesn’t matter.

When you’ve found that taking the long way home instead of the short route you’ve taken for the past 10 years leads you to see a beautiful tree covered in the deep Red color of Fall,maybe that’s what you were supposed to carry out today. Let everything else go.


Choices

Choices (Photo credit: WordShore)

As always with the rainbow,comes the rain.

Much of us spend our lives pursuing the happier times. Thinking that one day they will be a constant,that they will last forever. After all the suffering. After all the hard work. Somehow the “great reward” of life will land in our laps like a present on Christmas day,that we need only to unwrap and enjoy.

Day after day while doing much of the same thing,thinking the same thoughts as we did the day before,we hold on to a hope that tomorrow will be the day it will all come together. We put it in our minds thatthe more we suffer the bigger our reward will be.

But what happens when you find you’ve lived half your life suffering and face that you haven’t spent any time fighting back? You’ve given and you’ve given and you’ve now nothing left. You’ve come to a cross roads where you think maybe ,just maybe, for once I’ll take a chance and go out and get what I want. Do what makes me happy. With half my life over I want to try to see if there’s more out there. If theres still a life left for me.

This isn’t a story with a solution. This isn’t a story wrapped up with a philosophical quote at the end. It’s not the article you were expecting with an answer that might help you help decide what to do next. It’s not a Black and White story but a Grey one.

It’s time for you do to the work. It’s the piece that puts you in the driver’s seat. The pen in your hand. I know the difficult questions to ask but sometimes you have to ask your own questions. I know what holds me back. It’s not the same as yours. It’s an open ended revolution into exploring your own weaknesses.

It’s the honesty. You can read book after book,blog after blog searching for the one that fits. You can turn and twist your life to closely match this writers experience hoping that my solutions will fit you like a glove. But it’s a borrowed song. No greater than the one you’ve written for yourself.

Understanding that it is difficult to hold on when the trenches of life are deeper and darker than the well-lit roads we would rather travel on are there for us because we need them is asking a lot,I know. And I get that we need one another to inspire and give us hope. But there are times when we need to lay low and let the ugliness in life show. It’s there because we can’t go through life with everything always flowing so perfectly. It’s there to tell us that it’s time to take inventory of what we have. Prepare for what’s to come. Refine our abilities and explore hidden talents and shed our old garments of reality and try on a new fabric of life.

One size does not fit all.

Explore the comfort of a custom life. What works well for you while I find what works well for me. It’s that Gray between that Black and White. It’s that way that for you might not work but for me is just right.

It’s that rain that I hate to the rainbow that you like.


English: Gate in Hedgerow near Page Fold Curio...

English: Gate in Hedgerow near Page Fold Curious metal gate set into a hedgerow field boundary, which appears to show no purpose in life. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One of the hardest things for us to stop and realize while accomplishing our goals is the fact that our biggest obstacle is ourselves. Without trusting ourselves,our intuition,our purpose,we leave room for doubt-a huge enemy in the world of success.

How easy it would be if we could see the future. If we already knew ahead of time that our sacrifices would add up to everything we ever dreamed of, Would we not sacrifice even harder? Even more? The problem is we don’t know what will happen. And because we don’t know what will happen, it paralyzes us.

For many,this is where it all stops. The desire is there. The romance is there. But as soon as doubt comes knocking the honeymoon is over. The inability to believe in ones own greatness catapulted with the pressure to preserve the Ego is a deadly combination. Like a runner in a race who keeps looking back,eventually you’ll get passed. And soon, you’re off track.

“Neither should a ship rely on one small anchor, nor should life rest on a single hope.”- Epictetus

Each of us has our own purpose in life. It is not up to anyone else to fulfill it but ourselves. Be aware that while you are debating whether or not to follow your dreams,someone else is hoping you’ll give up. While you are resting on the idea that you just don’t have what it takes to make life happen for yourself,someone else is agreeing with you. No one can rescue you from the dark when it comes from within.

Solution:

  • Create a support system. Support systems are best when they are made with the intention of being successful. Many rely on feedback from friends and family instead of those that have accomplished similar goals.The difference being, sometimes tough love is what you need instead of a shoulder to cry on.
  • Question your intentions. Why do you want what you want? What is the final endeavour? Are you pushing yourself and sacrificing just to prove a point? What’s the underlying cause of your pursuit? Making perfectly clear what your intentions are before giving of yourself wholly can save you years of anguish. Think about it.
  • Be ready to invest. Any successful person will tell you that they ultimately love what they do. Others will not do the work for you. Investing your time and energy will build your confidence,leaving less room for doubt and more space for commitment.
  • Take your time. Early I discussed how road bumps can cause some to stop dead in their tracks. When this happens see it as sign that you are paving new way. Accept that you may need to stop,rethink,improvise and then move forward. Quality takes patience.

They say “Good things come to those who wait.” But don’t wait to long.

20 must do’s


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Congratulations to our Nobel prize winners and thank you for your contributions.

This Just In

The Nobel Prize in Physics has been awarded jointly to Serge Haroche, a French man, and David J. Wineland, an American, “for ground-breaking experimental methods that enable measuring & manipulation of individual quantum systems,” the Nobel Prize committee announced Tuesday.

The award surprised those who expected the prize this year to be related to the discovery of the Higgs boson.

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What did you expect?


How much responsibility do you take for how people treat you? Who’s fault is it when others “do you wrong?”

Boy,that’s a lot to swallow. So let’s break it down. Assuming that we all were born and raised with the same background,same family history and same social and economical advantages,it would be also safe to assume that we all held the same regard when it comes to our ideas on how we treat others,the difference between right and wrong and where our moral and ethical loyalties lie.
If this were the case,each of us could accept without provocation that what happens to us is a direct result of something we’ve done. That we are the cause of what effects us. Right? We alone hold the key to how are lives turn out. That there is no such thing as luck. There is no such thing as fate. There is no such thing as Karma. But that we alone by what we say,do,how we act or react determines our outcome in life. Is that something you can live with? Can you or would you be willing to take personal responsibility for everything in your life?

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that you are a responsible person. You are a hard-working,caring,compassionate individual that goes above and beyond for everyone. If everyone else would just do what they’re supposed to do,you could enjoy life stress free, be successful and embrace your full potential.
Well guess what? You assumed wrong!!

We are not all apples from the same tree. We haven’t all shared the same family history,advantages,disadvantages,blessings or tragedies. We are not all the same.   And with that firmly established it’s reasonable to say,we are “Created equal,differently.” Most people will argue that we cannot avoid what happens to us. How can we be responsible for unprovoked hostility, undeserving maleficence or downright mistreatment and abuse from others when there’s no way we would cause harm to ourselves? 

The truth of the matter is,in many ways we are the problem. Now before you start getting upset and start reasoning that bad things happen to good people all the time,that there are legitimate cases where people are victims and the innocent are wrongly convicted, I want you to think only about this: How many times have you heard an abuser say of their victim “They asked for it.”? or How many times have you heard someone say “It’s not my fault,I’m not to blame.”? This is an example of someone not taking personal responsibility for what they’ve done to someone else. In our world,everyday,the innocent,the victims, the one’s suffering are being held responsible for what happens to them by the ones that are doing the harm. The robber is blaming the person being robbed!

In the beginning I asked you “Who’s fault is it?” when others do you wrong. And I’ve played devil’s advocate by subtly insinuating that the root of all that’s evil comes from within you. Like it or not,different or the same,one thing remains constant: We,you and I,are responsible for maybe not everything that get’s thrown in our way but whether we allow it to stay. We choose the ideas that motivate the steps we take towards either walking into or away from what could hurt us. Define yourself by accepting that 99.9% of who you are today is a direct result of the choices you make 100% of the time.

Choices.


It’s the end of an amazing week. Tonight hayrides and a bonfire w/boys. Every day is a chance to learn something new,best it be something new about yourself. I learned that I am where I am because of the choices I’ve made. If I want to be treated different,Live differently or have different experiences in life than I need to choose differently. The problem has always been that my choices have been

 based on ideas. Ideas, that come from other people. Either they came from my parents,my friends,my enemies or others but never trusting the ideas that come from myself. This week,I struggled and pushed through the fact that I have everything I need to be successful,it will not come from something outside of me or anyone other than me. And that at any moment I can “stop the madness” by turning away from it.
On that note: I hope everyone enjoys their weekend
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