I’m starting to understand why it may not always work in my best interest to get what I want. I fell into the glamorous idea that “God grants us the desires of the heart.” and naturally assumed He wouldn’t give me anything I couldn’t handle-Another glamorous idea. What I have come to find is that what I want isn’t always what’s best and in truth can be quite wrong for me.


I spent most of yesterday morning thinking about what I was gonna post today and of course here it is and I’m at a loss for words. Ironic?

Maybe not so much. I’m 41 now had a couple of birthdays since 2012 and really feeling the change.  Spending a lot more time thinking about my past and my future and how to handle them both. What’s important, what’s not so important. Pretty much a slippery slope to a midlife crisis, just without all the panic.

I learned to let go of a lot of things. I learned I’m never gonna get the apologies or thank you’s I deserve and that I can move forward without them.

I learned I need to change the way I think and react towards people who are different from me and think different from the way do.

I’m pinpointing my weaknesses and my strengths which is about the same as letting go of those grandiose, out of reach ideas I have about my life and I how it should be.

And I’ve accepted that there are people who care about me, and some that never will.

All in all, I’m in a critical milestone, a pivotal point in my life that’s requiring more from me than any other time in my life. And I want to be 100% in touch with that. It’s a make it or break it shift. it’s that time when you decide, ok, for the past 40 years I’ve done things and thought a certain way and this is where it’s got me. Do I go all in and keep going or do I try new ideas and see where that takes me as scary as it may be?


Well it’s been quite sometime since I’ve felt the urge to start writing again. The ever famous ” Once a writer, always a writer.” seems to be once again rendering true. A lot has happen since 2012 which was around the time of my last post. Maybe so much that writing had started to feel like a dream I used to have and not so much as a dream I was still pursuing. With the popularity of blogging I was really turned off by the melee of ambitious writers with empty content. Anyone and everyone with an opinion was writing and the stage was starting to look like an arena out of Gladiator. Ugh.

Enough of that. So with a bit of time away and a lot to say, I’ve decided to take a different approach than before and write more for myself with an intent to fulfill my personal legacy.

From this day forward I will make at least 1 daily post. This is for myself improvement. This is for my being to see and understand how my inner thoughts are affecting my life. So I can get a tighter grasp on were my mind is, what my goals are and where I’m going.

I’m writing to myself. For myself.

An audience of one.

Lenawee Great Start Collaborative Articles..


I’ve heard people say “Just tell me the truth,don’t lie to me.”

But I wonder if  “The truth..” is really what they want to hear.

October brings more than pumpkins,hoodies,hayrides and bonfires. Just as the seasons change, so too, many of our feelings and emotions can “Fall-back” now that Summer days are peeling away. And not everyone is immune to it. It’s those feelings you get when the party’s over and it’s time to clean up. That “last call for alcohol.” The wake up call that reminds us,it’s time to take inventory,count our losses and settle in.

Truthfully speaking,I’ve never been a big fan of Summer. Growing up in the Midwest, it was the October rains,waiting for the colors of the trees to change and football games that I was raised to love.  The coolness in the air broken with the sounds of the crisp leaves on the ground reminded me of two things: 1) I had made it another year. 2) I was  alone. Something I have grown to love.

Is this what Billy Courigan meant when he sang “Wake me up, when September ends.?”

October always told me the truth,it never lied to me. It always told me exactly where I was and where I had been. It always gave me that “Heads up” I needed. It dragged me out of bed,splashed water on my face and said “See..,see,what you’ve done,Now what are you gonna do?” And I was always comfortable with my reply. “Try again,next year.”

I lied.

I didn’t want to hear the truth that I was where I was because I had made no attempt to be anything or anywhere else. I was actually excited that I had made it through another year with little resistance and even less effort to change. I had become a Pro at “laying low.” I had once again swept my ambitions under the rug in exchange for a book and a cup of Chamomile tea. Which brings me right back to my reality.

Some of us,a few of us, see the truth of life differently. While others are pushing and pulling through life to be accepted and liked. While year after year some are growing faster and stronger and seeming to be passing us by,we are happy to walk through life and catch up later.

So if you see someone or know someone who you think needs to hear the truth about their life,needs to accept some harsh honesty, remember that not everyone really wants to hear it.

Never has this been truer than today. Literally. As another Monday approached I spent my morning doing what I normally do: Walking the dog,making breakfast and taking my son to school. But it was on the way home from dropping my son off that my “everyday” changed it’s direction. As I was taking my normal route home I had recalled an ad I had seen on-line for position available at a local company. It sparked my interest because it was in the mental health field,that of which I have a strong background. But what was peculiar about this position was that the company was only accepting offers through personally delivered resumes,nothing online or email. Most any other time I would have thought it too much work and too out of my way but on this morning I couldn’t get it out of my head. Two stops from my home while sitting at the light a debate began in my mind,”Turn left to visit the company and drop off a resume or go straight and leave it for someone else to contend with.” Back and forth,back and forth. My eyes watching the light to change,thinking Left or straight? Left or straight? To heck with it,I turned left. Thinking to myself well you’ve made your decision might as well go all in,I stopped in,grabbed my resumes out of the car and waited along with some other job seekers patiently for my turn. While I was waiting an older women caught my eye. She was maybe late 40’s,black long hair pulled back,regularly dressed,jeans and a sweater,nothing fancy just a simple older woman who put off an aura that maybe she was new to the area. I must have observed her so much that she spoke to me. “Hables espanol?” she quietly asked. Do I speak Spanish? Being of Mexican heritage it’s certainly not the first time I’ve been asked and I replied with my normal ” Poquito,no mas.”-” A little.” Instantly she smiled and I noticed what a beautiful smile she had,such a kind face. One that I couldn’t possibly turn away from no matter how poor my Spanish-speaking skills were. In our language she began to unravel to me a story of how she had come from the neighboring state and had heard of “Trabajos-jobs” here in Michigan and since she had just gotten her High school diploma,she wanted to take her chances. She asked me about “Emails” and “Resumes?” things she seemed to be a little unfamiliar with. She began to tell me that she had been living in a migrant camp picking tomatoes but now of course that the seasons were changing she was looking for a factory job to help support her family. “I want to work!” she insisted. “I don’t want the unemployment,I rather work.” It was as if, had I of walked away from her, she wanted me to know that one thing about her. I asked her how long she had waited for someone to help her and she relayed she had been there since it opened but no one had said anything to her. She said she just wanted to know how she could get an email and make a résumé,since now she was a graduate. I made a couple of phone calls to some of my more fluent Spanish-speaking friends that gave her some connections on who to talk to and places she could go that were hiring. I stayed with her,made her an email and built her a strong resume as best I could. After about an hour I left her own her own to work on learning the computer and other things she was eager to know. I walked out,got in my car and left. Not till I got in the car and notice the stack of resumes I had never dropped off. It didn’t matter. As I sat in my car feeling very grateful for the opportunities I have had,I was most grateful for one thing: That I had turned Left. It wasn’t for me but was for someone else who needed me to come her way today.

Today a fellow blogger nominated me for A Lovely Blog Award.
It is my first nomination. I am so grateful for being able to express myself without judgement but instead a beautiful recognition. This is definitly a place a writer,blogger, a simple dreamer can call “home.” A safe haven.
so according to the rules:

I am recognizing The Scales of Time contributor:


for  recommending me for this nomination.and write/share 7 random things about myself, according to the rules and to nominate 15 other bloggers.

1.  I am a Michigan native,mother to 4 sons.

2.  I am a humanitarian and dream of owning a Log Home.

3.  Sometimes I am to hard on myself,and find forgiving myself even more difficult.

4.  I believe that Life will always find it’s way.

5.  I want to be a better parent,daughter,sister,friend.

6.  I gave up a high paying career to pursue my passion: Writing.

7.  I understand that peace,joy and happiness can only come from within me and I am a work in progress.

I am happy to nominate the following amazing Bloggers:






10. thetawny.wordpress.com
12. doakonsult.wordpress.com
Thank you again and congratulations to all the nominees.

Tired of Being Alone

Tired of Being Alone (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In my book “The hardest part is letting go.” One thing is constant. Life finds a way. Nothing can be more truthful. Throughout life we develop this idea of how things should be. The way we should look. The kind of house we should live in. The type of course our lives should follow. When will we accept that it just doesn’t work that way?

So many of us spend our days and nights sculpting ourselves to fit these ideas. Purposely chipping away at what makes us unique just so we won’t stand out. And not only do we do it to ourselves but we do it to others as well. We first develope an idea of how things are supposed to be. Chances are we got these ideas from our parents or from the church we grew up in or from being brought up in a situation we were desperate to get away from. Then we fight and we push and we pull, we do anything we can to get as far away from it as possible,and closer to where in life,we consider we ought to be.

You are exactly where you need to be. The pain and the suffering you are experiencing isn’t coming from the life you are living. It’s coming from the fact that you are resisting living it. You’re tired of struggling. You’re tired of fighting. You’re tired of being taken advantage of and taken for granted. But how much of that has been the result of your choices?

Is it fair to still be subjected to the everyday responsibilities of a bad choices you made 20 years ago? Is it fair that you have to struggle to survive because when an opportunity came your way you were unable or unwilling to take it? Yes! Yes,it is. It’s called a Life lesson. And the longer you keep defending yourself against it, Refusing to acknowledge it and play the victim to it the longer you will continue to live with it day after day after day.

Have you ever heard yourself telling your “life story” to someone you just met? “I was a teen mom,I was married, I was divorced,I am ill, I had a bad upbringing….” You repeat over and over the same story. Now yes,maybe all of that is true. And yes maybe you are the victim of someone else’s destructive behavior. But are you going to continue to live in that chapter of your life? Is this really how you want people to remember you?

Listen to how other people paint the picture of their life. Pay close attention to how they are emotionally attached to things that happen 10,20,30 years ago. Never will anyone come up to you and ever say ” Wow,your life story is so unique,so incredibly remarkable that the world and everyone in it has decided from now on you can do whatever you want,have whatever you want,be whatever you want–Go ahead,it’s on us!”

It’s just not going to happen.

Everyday no matter how ridiculous or small it may be try and do something you normally wouldn’t do. You know how you find it so irritating when people talk about how great it is to do things you would never do like run a marathon,adopt a pet,write a book,volunteer at a shelter. Instead of complaining ,try it.

UGh! you say,”people are so selfish they travel the world and leave their responsibilities behind.” “How can a mother not spend her every waking hour catering to her children every need?” Stop judging what other people do and give yourself the freedom to do those things too. Just because one person finds it ok to have “me time” every other week with friends doesn’t mean you can’t find something you like to do that makes you feel go. Give yourself a break and let yourself off the hook.

Are you struggling because you refuse to let people help you? Are you a victim because you can’t say “No?”

The thought for today is: Slow down. Let life happen to you. Let people be upset with you. Let mistakes happen. Don’t be in a hurry to do everything right away and perfect. People are not going to like that you are not jumping when they want you to. Others insecurities are going to cause them to blame you for what they can’t accomplish-so what! It doesn’t matter.

When you’ve found that taking the long way home instead of the short route you’ve taken for the past 10 years leads you to see a beautiful tree covered in the deep Red color of Fall,maybe that’s what you were supposed to carry out today. Let everything else go.


Choices (Photo credit: WordShore)

As always with the rainbow,comes the rain.

Much of us spend our lives pursuing the happier times. Thinking that one day they will be a constant,that they will last forever. After all the suffering. After all the hard work. Somehow the “great reward” of life will land in our laps like a present on Christmas day,that we need only to unwrap and enjoy.

Day after day while doing much of the same thing,thinking the same thoughts as we did the day before,we hold on to a hope that tomorrow will be the day it will all come together. We put it in our minds thatthe more we suffer the bigger our reward will be.

But what happens when you find you’ve lived half your life suffering and face that you haven’t spent any time fighting back? You’ve given and you’ve given and you’ve now nothing left. You’ve come to a cross roads where you think maybe ,just maybe, for once I’ll take a chance and go out and get what I want. Do what makes me happy. With half my life over I want to try to see if there’s more out there. If theres still a life left for me.

This isn’t a story with a solution. This isn’t a story wrapped up with a philosophical quote at the end. It’s not the article you were expecting with an answer that might help you help decide what to do next. It’s not a Black and White story but a Grey one.

It’s time for you do to the work. It’s the piece that puts you in the driver’s seat. The pen in your hand. I know the difficult questions to ask but sometimes you have to ask your own questions. I know what holds me back. It’s not the same as yours. It’s an open ended revolution into exploring your own weaknesses.

It’s the honesty. You can read book after book,blog after blog searching for the one that fits. You can turn and twist your life to closely match this writers experience hoping that my solutions will fit you like a glove. But it’s a borrowed song. No greater than the one you’ve written for yourself.

Understanding that it is difficult to hold on when the trenches of life are deeper and darker than the well-lit roads we would rather travel on are there for us because we need them is asking a lot,I know. And I get that we need one another to inspire and give us hope. But there are times when we need to lay low and let the ugliness in life show. It’s there because we can’t go through life with everything always flowing so perfectly. It’s there to tell us that it’s time to take inventory of what we have. Prepare for what’s to come. Refine our abilities and explore hidden talents and shed our old garments of reality and try on a new fabric of life.

One size does not fit all.

Explore the comfort of a custom life. What works well for you while I find what works well for me. It’s that Gray between that Black and White. It’s that way that for you might not work but for me is just right.

It’s that rain that I hate to the rainbow that you like.

English: Gate in Hedgerow near Page Fold Curio...

English: Gate in Hedgerow near Page Fold Curious metal gate set into a hedgerow field boundary, which appears to show no purpose in life. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One of the hardest things for us to stop and realize while accomplishing our goals is the fact that our biggest obstacle is ourselves. Without trusting ourselves,our intuition,our purpose,we leave room for doubt-a huge enemy in the world of success.

How easy it would be if we could see the future. If we already knew ahead of time that our sacrifices would add up to everything we ever dreamed of, Would we not sacrifice even harder? Even more? The problem is we don’t know what will happen. And because we don’t know what will happen, it paralyzes us.

For many,this is where it all stops. The desire is there. The romance is there. But as soon as doubt comes knocking the honeymoon is over. The inability to believe in ones own greatness catapulted with the pressure to preserve the Ego is a deadly combination. Like a runner in a race who keeps looking back,eventually you’ll get passed. And soon, you’re off track.

“Neither should a ship rely on one small anchor, nor should life rest on a single hope.”- Epictetus

Each of us has our own purpose in life. It is not up to anyone else to fulfill it but ourselves. Be aware that while you are debating whether or not to follow your dreams,someone else is hoping you’ll give up. While you are resting on the idea that you just don’t have what it takes to make life happen for yourself,someone else is agreeing with you. No one can rescue you from the dark when it comes from within.


  • Create a support system. Support systems are best when they are made with the intention of being successful. Many rely on feedback from friends and family instead of those that have accomplished similar goals.The difference being, sometimes tough love is what you need instead of a shoulder to cry on.
  • Question your intentions. Why do you want what you want? What is the final endeavour? Are you pushing yourself and sacrificing just to prove a point? What’s the underlying cause of your pursuit? Making perfectly clear what your intentions are before giving of yourself wholly can save you years of anguish. Think about it.
  • Be ready to invest. Any successful person will tell you that they ultimately love what they do. Others will not do the work for you. Investing your time and energy will build your confidence,leaving less room for doubt and more space for commitment.
  • Take your time. Early I discussed how road bumps can cause some to stop dead in their tracks. When this happens see it as sign that you are paving new way. Accept that you may need to stop,rethink,improvise and then move forward. Quality takes patience.

They say “Good things come to those who wait.” But don’t wait to long.

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