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I’m starting to understand why it may not always work in my best interest to get what I want. I fell into the glamorous idea that “God grants us the desires of the heart.” and naturally assumed He wouldn’t give me anything I couldn’t handle-Another glamorous idea. What I have come to find is that what I want isn’t always what’s best and in truth can be quite wrong for me.


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I spent most of yesterday morning thinking about what I was gonna post today and of course here it is and I’m at a loss for words. Ironic?

Maybe not so much. I’m 41 now had a couple of birthdays since 2012 and really feeling the change.  Spending a lot more time thinking about my past and my future and how to handle them both. What’s important, what’s not so important. Pretty much a slippery slope to a midlife crisis, just without all the panic.

I learned to let go of a lot of things. I learned I’m never gonna get the apologies or thank you’s I deserve and that I can move forward without them.

I learned I need to change the way I think and react towards people who are different from me and think different from the way do.

I’m pinpointing my weaknesses and my strengths which is about the same as letting go of those grandiose, out of reach ideas I have about my life and I how it should be.

And I’ve accepted that there are people who care about me, and some that never will.

All in all, I’m in a critical milestone, a pivotal point in my life that’s requiring more from me than any other time in my life. And I want to be 100% in touch with that. It’s a make it or break it shift. it’s that time when you decide, ok, for the past 40 years I’ve done things and thought a certain way and this is where it’s got me. Do I go all in and keep going or do I try new ideas and see where that takes me as scary as it may be?


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Well it’s been quite sometime since I’ve felt the urge to start writing again. The ever famous ” Once a writer, always a writer.” seems to be once again rendering true. A lot has happen since 2012 which was around the time of my last post. Maybe so much that writing had started to feel like a dream I used to have and not so much as a dream I was still pursuing. With the popularity of blogging I was really turned off by the melee of ambitious writers with empty content. Anyone and everyone with an opinion was writing and the stage was starting to look like an arena out of Gladiator. Ugh.

Enough of that. So with a bit of time away and a lot to say, I’ve decided to take a different approach than before and write more for myself with an intent to fulfill my personal legacy.

From this day forward I will make at least 1 daily post. This is for myself improvement. This is for my being to see and understand how my inner thoughts are affecting my life. So I can get a tighter grasp on were my mind is, what my goals are and where I’m going.

I’m writing to myself. For myself.

An audience of one.

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Tired of Being Alone

Tired of Being Alone (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In my book “The hardest part is letting go.” One thing is constant. Life finds a way. Nothing can be more truthful. Throughout life we develop this idea of how things should be. The way we should look. The kind of house we should live in. The type of course our lives should follow. When will we accept that it just doesn’t work that way?

So many of us spend our days and nights sculpting ourselves to fit these ideas. Purposely chipping away at what makes us unique just so we won’t stand out. And not only do we do it to ourselves but we do it to others as well. We first develope an idea of how things are supposed to be. Chances are we got these ideas from our parents or from the church we grew up in or from being brought up in a situation we were desperate to get away from. Then we fight and we push and we pull, we do anything we can to get as far away from it as possible,and closer to where in life,we consider we ought to be.

You are exactly where you need to be. The pain and the suffering you are experiencing isn’t coming from the life you are living. It’s coming from the fact that you are resisting living it. You’re tired of struggling. You’re tired of fighting. You’re tired of being taken advantage of and taken for granted. But how much of that has been the result of your choices?

Is it fair to still be subjected to the everyday responsibilities of a bad choices you made 20 years ago? Is it fair that you have to struggle to survive because when an opportunity came your way you were unable or unwilling to take it? Yes! Yes,it is. It’s called a Life lesson. And the longer you keep defending yourself against it, Refusing to acknowledge it and play the victim to it the longer you will continue to live with it day after day after day.

Have you ever heard yourself telling your “life story” to someone you just met? “I was a teen mom,I was married, I was divorced,I am ill, I had a bad upbringing….” You repeat over and over the same story. Now yes,maybe all of that is true. And yes maybe you are the victim of someone else’s destructive behavior. But are you going to continue to live in that chapter of your life? Is this really how you want people to remember you?

Listen to how other people paint the picture of their life. Pay close attention to how they are emotionally attached to things that happen 10,20,30 years ago. Never will anyone come up to you and ever say ” Wow,your life story is so unique,so incredibly remarkable that the world and everyone in it has decided from now on you can do whatever you want,have whatever you want,be whatever you want–Go ahead,it’s on us!”

It’s just not going to happen.

Everyday no matter how ridiculous or small it may be try and do something you normally wouldn’t do. You know how you find it so irritating when people talk about how great it is to do things you would never do like run a marathon,adopt a pet,write a book,volunteer at a shelter. Instead of complaining ,try it.

UGh! you say,”people are so selfish they travel the world and leave their responsibilities behind.” “How can a mother not spend her every waking hour catering to her children every need?” Stop judging what other people do and give yourself the freedom to do those things too. Just because one person finds it ok to have “me time” every other week with friends doesn’t mean you can’t find something you like to do that makes you feel go. Give yourself a break and let yourself off the hook.

Are you struggling because you refuse to let people help you? Are you a victim because you can’t say “No?”

The thought for today is: Slow down. Let life happen to you. Let people be upset with you. Let mistakes happen. Don’t be in a hurry to do everything right away and perfect. People are not going to like that you are not jumping when they want you to. Others insecurities are going to cause them to blame you for what they can’t accomplish-so what! It doesn’t matter.

When you’ve found that taking the long way home instead of the short route you’ve taken for the past 10 years leads you to see a beautiful tree covered in the deep Red color of Fall,maybe that’s what you were supposed to carry out today. Let everything else go.

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20 must do’s


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Congratulations to our Nobel prize winners and thank you for your contributions.

This Just In

The Nobel Prize in Physics has been awarded jointly to Serge Haroche, a French man, and David J. Wineland, an American, “for ground-breaking experimental methods that enable measuring & manipulation of individual quantum systems,” the Nobel Prize committee announced Tuesday.

The award surprised those who expected the prize this year to be related to the discovery of the Higgs boson.

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It’s the end of an amazing week. Tonight hayrides and a bonfire w/boys. Every day is a chance to learn something new,best it be something new about yourself. I learned that I am where I am because of the choices I’ve made. If I want to be treated different,Live differently or have different experiences in life than I need to choose differently. The problem has always been that my choices have been

 based on ideas. Ideas, that come from other people. Either they came from my parents,my friends,my enemies or others but never trusting the ideas that come from myself. This week,I struggled and pushed through the fact that I have everything I need to be successful,it will not come from something outside of me or anyone other than me. And that at any moment I can “stop the madness” by turning away from it.
On that note: I hope everyone enjoys their weekend

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