Archive for the ‘Inspire me’ Category

I’ve heard people say “Just tell me the truth,don’t lie to me.”

But I wonder if  “The truth..” is really what they want to hear.

October brings more than pumpkins,hoodies,hayrides and bonfires. Just as the seasons change, so too, many of our feelings and emotions can “Fall-back” now that Summer days are peeling away. And not everyone is immune to it. It’s those feelings you get when the party’s over and it’s time to clean up. That “last call for alcohol.” The wake up call that reminds us,it’s time to take inventory,count our losses and settle in.

Truthfully speaking,I’ve never been a big fan of Summer. Growing up in the Midwest, it was the October rains,waiting for the colors of the trees to change and football games that I was raised to love.  The coolness in the air broken with the sounds of the crisp leaves on the ground reminded me of two things: 1) I had made it another year. 2) I was  alone. Something I have grown to love.

Is this what Billy Courigan meant when he sang “Wake me up, when September ends.?”

October always told me the truth,it never lied to me. It always told me exactly where I was and where I had been. It always gave me that “Heads up” I needed. It dragged me out of bed,splashed water on my face and said “See..,see,what you’ve done,Now what are you gonna do?” And I was always comfortable with my reply. “Try again,next year.”

I lied.

I didn’t want to hear the truth that I was where I was because I had made no attempt to be anything or anywhere else. I was actually excited that I had made it through another year with little resistance and even less effort to change. I had become a Pro at “laying low.” I had once again swept my ambitions under the rug in exchange for a book and a cup of Chamomile tea. Which brings me right back to my reality.

Some of us,a few of us, see the truth of life differently. While others are pushing and pulling through life to be accepted and liked. While year after year some are growing faster and stronger and seeming to be passing us by,we are happy to walk through life and catch up later.

So if you see someone or know someone who you think needs to hear the truth about their life,needs to accept some harsh honesty, remember that not everyone really wants to hear it.

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Never has this been truer than today. Literally. As another Monday approached I spent my morning doing what I normally do: Walking the dog,making breakfast and taking my son to school. But it was on the way home from dropping my son off that my “everyday” changed it’s direction. As I was taking my normal route home I had recalled an ad I had seen on-line for position available at a local company. It sparked my interest because it was in the mental health field,that of which I have a strong background. But what was peculiar about this position was that the company was only accepting offers through personally delivered resumes,nothing online or email. Most any other time I would have thought it too much work and too out of my way but on this morning I couldn’t get it out of my head. Two stops from my home while sitting at the light a debate began in my mind,”Turn left to visit the company and drop off a resume or go straight and leave it for someone else to contend with.” Back and forth,back and forth. My eyes watching the light to change,thinking Left or straight? Left or straight? To heck with it,I turned left. Thinking to myself well you’ve made your decision might as well go all in,I stopped in,grabbed my resumes out of the car and waited along with some other job seekers patiently for my turn. While I was waiting an older women caught my eye. She was maybe late 40’s,black long hair pulled back,regularly dressed,jeans and a sweater,nothing fancy just a simple older woman who put off an aura that maybe she was new to the area. I must have observed her so much that she spoke to me. “Hables espanol?” she quietly asked. Do I speak Spanish? Being of Mexican heritage it’s certainly not the first time I’ve been asked and I replied with my normal ” Poquito,no mas.”-” A little.” Instantly she smiled and I noticed what a beautiful smile she had,such a kind face. One that I couldn’t possibly turn away from no matter how poor my Spanish-speaking skills were. In our language she began to unravel to me a story of how she had come from the neighboring state and had heard of “Trabajos-jobs” here in Michigan and since she had just gotten her High school diploma,she wanted to take her chances. She asked me about “Emails” and “Resumes?” things she seemed to be a little unfamiliar with. She began to tell me that she had been living in a migrant camp picking tomatoes but now of course that the seasons were changing she was looking for a factory job to help support her family. “I want to work!” she insisted. “I don’t want the unemployment,I rather work.” It was as if, had I of walked away from her, she wanted me to know that one thing about her. I asked her how long she had waited for someone to help her and she relayed she had been there since it opened but no one had said anything to her. She said she just wanted to know how she could get an email and make a résumé,since now she was a graduate. I made a couple of phone calls to some of my more fluent Spanish-speaking friends that gave her some connections on who to talk to and places she could go that were hiring. I stayed with her,made her an email and built her a strong resume as best I could. After about an hour I left her own her own to work on learning the computer and other things she was eager to know. I walked out,got in my car and left. Not till I got in the car and notice the stack of resumes I had never dropped off. It didn’t matter. As I sat in my car feeling very grateful for the opportunities I have had,I was most grateful for one thing: That I had turned Left. It wasn’t for me but was for someone else who needed me to come her way today.

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Today a fellow blogger nominated me for A Lovely Blog Award.
It is my first nomination. I am so grateful for being able to express myself without judgement but instead a beautiful recognition. This is definitly a place a writer,blogger, a simple dreamer can call “home.” A safe haven.
so according to the rules:

I am recognizing The Scales of Time contributor:


for  recommending me for this nomination.and write/share 7 random things about myself, according to the rules and to nominate 15 other bloggers.

1.  I am a Michigan native,mother to 4 sons.

2.  I am a humanitarian and dream of owning a Log Home.

3.  Sometimes I am to hard on myself,and find forgiving myself even more difficult.

4.  I believe that Life will always find it’s way.

5.  I want to be a better parent,daughter,sister,friend.

6.  I gave up a high paying career to pursue my passion: Writing.

7.  I understand that peace,joy and happiness can only come from within me and I am a work in progress.

I am happy to nominate the following amazing Bloggers:






10. thetawny.wordpress.com
12. doakonsult.wordpress.com
Thank you again and congratulations to all the nominees.

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Choices (Photo credit: WordShore)

As always with the rainbow,comes the rain.

Much of us spend our lives pursuing the happier times. Thinking that one day they will be a constant,that they will last forever. After all the suffering. After all the hard work. Somehow the “great reward” of life will land in our laps like a present on Christmas day,that we need only to unwrap and enjoy.

Day after day while doing much of the same thing,thinking the same thoughts as we did the day before,we hold on to a hope that tomorrow will be the day it will all come together. We put it in our minds thatthe more we suffer the bigger our reward will be.

But what happens when you find you’ve lived half your life suffering and face that you haven’t spent any time fighting back? You’ve given and you’ve given and you’ve now nothing left. You’ve come to a cross roads where you think maybe ,just maybe, for once I’ll take a chance and go out and get what I want. Do what makes me happy. With half my life over I want to try to see if there’s more out there. If theres still a life left for me.

This isn’t a story with a solution. This isn’t a story wrapped up with a philosophical quote at the end. It’s not the article you were expecting with an answer that might help you help decide what to do next. It’s not a Black and White story but a Grey one.

It’s time for you do to the work. It’s the piece that puts you in the driver’s seat. The pen in your hand. I know the difficult questions to ask but sometimes you have to ask your own questions. I know what holds me back. It’s not the same as yours. It’s an open ended revolution into exploring your own weaknesses.

It’s the honesty. You can read book after book,blog after blog searching for the one that fits. You can turn and twist your life to closely match this writers experience hoping that my solutions will fit you like a glove. But it’s a borrowed song. No greater than the one you’ve written for yourself.

Understanding that it is difficult to hold on when the trenches of life are deeper and darker than the well-lit roads we would rather travel on are there for us because we need them is asking a lot,I know. And I get that we need one another to inspire and give us hope. But there are times when we need to lay low and let the ugliness in life show. It’s there because we can’t go through life with everything always flowing so perfectly. It’s there to tell us that it’s time to take inventory of what we have. Prepare for what’s to come. Refine our abilities and explore hidden talents and shed our old garments of reality and try on a new fabric of life.

One size does not fit all.

Explore the comfort of a custom life. What works well for you while I find what works well for me. It’s that Gray between that Black and White. It’s that way that for you might not work but for me is just right.

It’s that rain that I hate to the rainbow that you like.

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English: Gate in Hedgerow near Page Fold Curio...

English: Gate in Hedgerow near Page Fold Curious metal gate set into a hedgerow field boundary, which appears to show no purpose in life. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One of the hardest things for us to stop and realize while accomplishing our goals is the fact that our biggest obstacle is ourselves. Without trusting ourselves,our intuition,our purpose,we leave room for doubt-a huge enemy in the world of success.

How easy it would be if we could see the future. If we already knew ahead of time that our sacrifices would add up to everything we ever dreamed of, Would we not sacrifice even harder? Even more? The problem is we don’t know what will happen. And because we don’t know what will happen, it paralyzes us.

For many,this is where it all stops. The desire is there. The romance is there. But as soon as doubt comes knocking the honeymoon is over. The inability to believe in ones own greatness catapulted with the pressure to preserve the Ego is a deadly combination. Like a runner in a race who keeps looking back,eventually you’ll get passed. And soon, you’re off track.

“Neither should a ship rely on one small anchor, nor should life rest on a single hope.”- Epictetus

Each of us has our own purpose in life. It is not up to anyone else to fulfill it but ourselves. Be aware that while you are debating whether or not to follow your dreams,someone else is hoping you’ll give up. While you are resting on the idea that you just don’t have what it takes to make life happen for yourself,someone else is agreeing with you. No one can rescue you from the dark when it comes from within.


  • Create a support system. Support systems are best when they are made with the intention of being successful. Many rely on feedback from friends and family instead of those that have accomplished similar goals.The difference being, sometimes tough love is what you need instead of a shoulder to cry on.
  • Question your intentions. Why do you want what you want? What is the final endeavour? Are you pushing yourself and sacrificing just to prove a point? What’s the underlying cause of your pursuit? Making perfectly clear what your intentions are before giving of yourself wholly can save you years of anguish. Think about it.
  • Be ready to invest. Any successful person will tell you that they ultimately love what they do. Others will not do the work for you. Investing your time and energy will build your confidence,leaving less room for doubt and more space for commitment.
  • Take your time. Early I discussed how road bumps can cause some to stop dead in their tracks. When this happens see it as sign that you are paving new way. Accept that you may need to stop,rethink,improvise and then move forward. Quality takes patience.

They say “Good things come to those who wait.” But don’t wait to long.

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How much responsibility do you take for how people treat you? Who’s fault is it when others “do you wrong?”

Boy,that’s a lot to swallow. So let’s break it down. Assuming that we all were born and raised with the same background,same family history and same social and economical advantages,it would be also safe to assume that we all held the same regard when it comes to our ideas on how we treat others,the difference between right and wrong and where our moral and ethical loyalties lie.
If this were the case,each of us could accept without provocation that what happens to us is a direct result of something we’ve done. That we are the cause of what effects us. Right? We alone hold the key to how are lives turn out. That there is no such thing as luck. There is no such thing as fate. There is no such thing as Karma. But that we alone by what we say,do,how we act or react determines our outcome in life. Is that something you can live with? Can you or would you be willing to take personal responsibility for everything in your life?

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that you are a responsible person. You are a hard-working,caring,compassionate individual that goes above and beyond for everyone. If everyone else would just do what they’re supposed to do,you could enjoy life stress free, be successful and embrace your full potential.
Well guess what? You assumed wrong!!

We are not all apples from the same tree. We haven’t all shared the same family history,advantages,disadvantages,blessings or tragedies. We are not all the same.   And with that firmly established it’s reasonable to say,we are “Created equal,differently.” Most people will argue that we cannot avoid what happens to us. How can we be responsible for unprovoked hostility, undeserving maleficence or downright mistreatment and abuse from others when there’s no way we would cause harm to ourselves? 

The truth of the matter is,in many ways we are the problem. Now before you start getting upset and start reasoning that bad things happen to good people all the time,that there are legitimate cases where people are victims and the innocent are wrongly convicted, I want you to think only about this: How many times have you heard an abuser say of their victim “They asked for it.”? or How many times have you heard someone say “It’s not my fault,I’m not to blame.”? This is an example of someone not taking personal responsibility for what they’ve done to someone else. In our world,everyday,the innocent,the victims, the one’s suffering are being held responsible for what happens to them by the ones that are doing the harm. The robber is blaming the person being robbed!

In the beginning I asked you “Who’s fault is it?” when others do you wrong. And I’ve played devil’s advocate by subtly insinuating that the root of all that’s evil comes from within you. Like it or not,different or the same,one thing remains constant: We,you and I,are responsible for maybe not everything that get’s thrown in our way but whether we allow it to stay. We choose the ideas that motivate the steps we take towards either walking into or away from what could hurt us. Define yourself by accepting that 99.9% of who you are today is a direct result of the choices you make 100% of the time.

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Blood is thicker than water.
Says who?
The saying “Blood is thicker than water ” can leave a bad taste in the mouth of anyone who has had a clash with a family member. At the turn of the century, the connotation of the family unit drastically changed. And so did it’s values. The iconic given that family should always have your back and be there through thick and thin has been reduced for some to a mere,”yea,we’re related.”

What do you do if you find that not a river,but an ocean, has sprung up between you and a family member?
Are family “break ups” easier or harder to repair?

A friend of mine *Mary(names have been changed to protect the innocent and NOT so innocent) had went through a nasty divorced a few years back. After 20 some years of marriage and 3 children,she had snuggled into the daily routine of working part time and raising her family full time while her husbands’ job provided the family with all their needs. So when she found out that her husband was not just working 9-5 but putting in overtime with a co worker, she was about to find herself ,”In the thick” of things.

Of course Mary had support from everyone around her: Friends,family,even her newly found social network comforted and eased her pain through the dark times. But what stung Mary the hardest was how some members of her family were not only comforting her but comforting her husband as well. It was unimaginable. The pain and embarrassment was enough to deal with but to feel that anyone who cared,who truly loved her,could feel sympathy for the man that had turned her world upside down was a smack in the face. And cut like a knife,right in the back.

Now granted,time has gone by and both *Mary and *Jack have remarried and have managed to repair their torn relationships with the adaption of *Co-parenting,and the kids have grown and have accepted having weekends at dads and every other holiday with mom as the norm. But rips and tears still remain for the family of Mary who found themselves instead of straddled on the fence,pushed right over.

Now I can’t say if  Mary can ever forgive her family for what she feels was the ultimate betrayal. But what I can say is that there are times in our lives when either being an outsider looking in or being the center of a dramatic fallout we need to have a solid support team. We may need to expect now and again that we can’t assume that family will always stand on ourside. And quite honestly,it may even be unfair to ask. But the one thing that is without a doubt is that no matter what unexpected turn of events come our way our greatest advocate comes from within. If you build yourselves up,take responsibility for your self image and believe strongly in your truth,you won’t need to be reminded of the fact that not everyone has your back.

For tips on *Co-parenting

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If you don’t push yourself,you’ll never pull through.
You never know what’s on the other side waiting for you.

If you quit now,you give up control.
You give someone else permission to use you.

If you lose Hope and let go,
Regret will find you.

If you forgot what you came here for,
Let me remind you…

It’s you vs you,
You can’t lose.

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Paradise Lost.

Every once in awhile something unexpected comes along that changes your life in an instant. A miracle,a tragedy something out of the Blue. That happen to me. For a long time I held with me an idea that I believed to be true about myself based on someone else’s perspective. Does it make sense to see yourself one way even though you know it’s untrue? Many times if we are confused or weakened,notice I said weakened not weak,but many times in a vulnerable state we can allow others ideas and beliefs to over ride what we know to be truth. Again,that happened to me. I used to believe that someone elses disease was the result of my failures. Not because I really thought I was responsible but because others told me I was. Because other who could not accept that their part found me an easy target. In my heart I knew that I never was the one to blame yet something lay deep inside that always surfaced when my confidence was low. After many years of teeter tottering back and forth over just exactly how much of a bad situation was my fault I come to find out it wasn’t me at all. Myself and many others have had the truth revealed that I was not the cause. The strangest thing is that initially I thought I want to jump up and down and shout “See I told you.” I have been so overcome with relief that all I can think to do is breath. Let out that huge sigh of relief for all the years I’ve been holding my breath waiting for this day to come. Where are all the people that had so much to say now? Where are all the fingers that were pointed at me? Who amongst you tormentors will be the first to say “We were wrong?” The honesty of everything being is that the satisfaction I have gained,the strength that has carried me through all this time has not only been my life raft but has sailed me to higher seas. And the island in my life that I have come ashore is grand. And I leave behind only my footsteps in the sand.

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