Archive for September, 2012


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Wonderful article.



The Revised Fundamentals of Caregiving by Johnathan Evison
“The narrator’s voice in this book drew me right in. Benjamin tells his story of loss and more loss, of being an utter loser, with just enough resignation, self-pity and humor that, even for all his loserdom, I can’t help but find him charming. I want to be his friend. Talk him out of the black hole he sunk into after he lost his children, then his marriage. And I’m glad to be in the van with him as he drives across country with his new friend and charge, Trevor, a teenage boy (with a teenage boy’s libido – yowza) in the advanced stages of Duchenne muscular dystrophy. This story is unusual, unique, and told with just a boatload of heart. Evison has a great sense of humor (which fans of his New York Times bestseller West of Here will remember…

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What an awesome reward!!

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Let’s stop and think about what some of the greatest influences in our lives are. For many the greatest influence is Family. Also environment,economics,culture and religion take an active role in molding our lives. All of which we have varying amount of control over. Fortunately there is one influence that we have that can be determined by us-Experience. How we experience,what we experience and the way we look at our experiences can give us enormous advantage in creating our lives.

Say that you’re a single parent. Single by choice,divorce,widowed whichever fits your situation. The experience of being a parent raising a child or children on your own can as many know,be a tremendous struggle. I won’t waste your time pounding the pavement describing the difficulties of solo child rearing but I will say that it is not for the faint of heart. With this experience you will however be influenced in many of the decisions you will make about your life. What career path to take can be based on your need for child care. Your social circle can be predisposed towards others who you share the same parenting style. Many aspects of your experience as a parent and how you view your experience as a parent can seduce the choices you make.

For another example: Relationships.
If your experience with relationships have always proven bad results,you will easily be persuaded to be cautious and judgemental towards future relationships. But if you view your experience in relationships to be rewarding than you will always seek to find that conformation and lean towards the same type of fulfilling relationships when engaging with others. It just makes sense.

But what if you have limited experience? What if you have skipped along through life aimless and naïve to what goes on around you, what is happening to you and realized that you haven’t put much thought into how things affect you or others? Then you wake up one day with a huge life hangover? Somewhere your inexperience has caused you to land in a pile of “What the heck just happened?”

Life lesson #113 You are Not the wheel, but the spoke.
Throughout our lives we set ourselves up to believe that we are the result of everything that we have no control over-The wheel being turned by the peddler on the bicycle of life. The truth of the matter is that we are The Spoke. We are one of many straight rods  emanating from a center. Through each experience we have , be it small puddles of mud on rainy days or huge mountain terrains of the arid desert,we hold the tensions of our lives and carry the weight of our experiences no matter how big or small. We deliberately try and duplicate favorable results by constantly reflecting on our experiences.

And the like the spokes of the wheel,the experiences of all those around us.

Absorbing the friction in your life by accepting that if you have little experience you can learn from others, if you have much experience you can give to others. We can take what happens, we can examine our involvement to what happens and have a better understanding of how it influences our lives.
Have you judged someone on how they handled a situation that you yourself have never experienced and could not relate to? Did you speak harsh words about a persons circumstances without understanding their relationship to the cause? Substituting others experiences for your own is an amazing learning tool. Humbling ourselves to others decision making and observing their end result without allowing our Ego to convince us that we can do a better job can help us choose a better course of action based on someone elses experiences.We can together,make the wheel go ’round.

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Once more.

How great must a suffering be before it becomes a lesion? What more can be done once the well of forgiveness has gone dry? When do I stop dying?

Shall I leave my number by the door? Should I wait just a little more? Can I give another day? Could I convince myself anymore?

Empty is the hand that keeps on giving but full is the heart.

And I am not bitter but sweet with relief. Dripping in the comfort of my worth.

As I feel no pain in the torment of forever. Resting in the garden of amor.

Treat me like no other but as the same. An equal to the measures of your vanity. Equal and yet unequivocal.

Go ahead and hate me.

I don’t care anymore.

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Blood is thicker than water.
Says who?
The saying “Blood is thicker than water ” can leave a bad taste in the mouth of anyone who has had a clash with a family member. At the turn of the century, the connotation of the family unit drastically changed. And so did it’s values. The iconic given that family should always have your back and be there through thick and thin has been reduced for some to a mere,”yea,we’re related.”

What do you do if you find that not a river,but an ocean, has sprung up between you and a family member?
Are family “break ups” easier or harder to repair?

A friend of mine *Mary(names have been changed to protect the innocent and NOT so innocent) had went through a nasty divorced a few years back. After 20 some years of marriage and 3 children,she had snuggled into the daily routine of working part time and raising her family full time while her husbands’ job provided the family with all their needs. So when she found out that her husband was not just working 9-5 but putting in overtime with a co worker, she was about to find herself ,”In the thick” of things.

Of course Mary had support from everyone around her: Friends,family,even her newly found social network comforted and eased her pain through the dark times. But what stung Mary the hardest was how some members of her family were not only comforting her but comforting her husband as well. It was unimaginable. The pain and embarrassment was enough to deal with but to feel that anyone who cared,who truly loved her,could feel sympathy for the man that had turned her world upside down was a smack in the face. And cut like a knife,right in the back.

Now granted,time has gone by and both *Mary and *Jack have remarried and have managed to repair their torn relationships with the adaption of *Co-parenting,and the kids have grown and have accepted having weekends at dads and every other holiday with mom as the norm. But rips and tears still remain for the family of Mary who found themselves instead of straddled on the fence,pushed right over.

Now I can’t say if  Mary can ever forgive her family for what she feels was the ultimate betrayal. But what I can say is that there are times in our lives when either being an outsider looking in or being the center of a dramatic fallout we need to have a solid support team. We may need to expect now and again that we can’t assume that family will always stand on ourside. And quite honestly,it may even be unfair to ask. But the one thing that is without a doubt is that no matter what unexpected turn of events come our way our greatest advocate comes from within. If you build yourselves up,take responsibility for your self image and believe strongly in your truth,you won’t need to be reminded of the fact that not everyone has your back.

For tips on *Co-parenting

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