7/10/00-6/27/10

7/10/00-6/27/10

 

When I first posted this someone asked me if someone had died. My response: “Yes,the old me.” Today my divorce was final,and after along slow process I feel exactly how I knew I would feel,”weight-less”

 

Begining to see things in a new light.
Figuring out that I dont always have to be right.

Allowing others to make mistakes.
While keeping myself straight.

Let them live and I’ll live.
Inheriting an incredible debt.

Its worth it to start fresh.
Take a hit to improve a bit.

Not about to let it consume me.
My time is much better well spent.
 
And in between the cause and the comotion,Ive gotten one good thing from it…..

I got my name back!
You Rememeber this:
Erica K. Espinoza

God bless Chucky Cheess.

 

 

                                                              Boy is it hott!!

Now thats its getting much hotter outside, Ace and I have been looking for the cool spots to hang out at. With his limited attention spam I had to think of something quick before this hot day turned into a hot mess!!

The pool was packed and my funds were low,with a little over a quarter tank of gas,I buckled him in, filled up the sippy cup and headed to good ol’ Chucky Cheese. Ah! Air conditioning was what I first thought. The drive with the windows down gave us plenty of time to sit back and enjoy the music and sing our ABC’S.( A million times!)

“Its always free..!” I never knew it said that on the door when you walk in?? Apparently beside the food,tokens and rides everything else is free!! Your completely free to let your child run around with the other kids,crawl thru the tunnels,watch Chucky live in concert and chill in the A/C.

Thats sounded good enough for me. So Ace and I each got a slice of pizza,shared a drink and spent a cool ten dollars on rides and games easily. After cashing in our 200 or so tickets for a flashy pair of Red star glasses, Ace and I head back home with half the day down and looking forward to a good nights rest.

God Bless Chucky Cheese!

“Watch it,buddy!!”

 

Finally catching a break from all the rain these last couple days,Ace, Cesilee and I took off to the park,Riverside. I like going down to Riverside mostly so we can walk along the ridge of the river and see the ducks. Ace likes to take his pail and collect rocks while we walk, then when we get close enuff,he’ll throw them in. Today Cesi had fun tossing in baby pinecones.  

The best part by far though is always the sandbox. With plastic pails from Family Dollar we sat in the still damp sand and built a couple old fashion castles,even though it never really got pass the first tower,the kids still refered to them as their “castles”
.
And everything was going just great till…. 
   

Ace accidently got sand in Cesilees hair. Boy what a switch,from playing like “besties” to “Watch it,buddy!!” it was on. Just like an old married couple.  

It was time to pack up and head for some Mickey D’s. I knew both had worked up an appetite and they were full of sand and dirt from head to toe,literally.
Like I said I enjoy going to Riverside where its much quieter and kinda laid back for the most part and the kids get to play in the sand and have a chance to see the ducks and play along the river.  

The best things in life are free.

“Be inspired…”

“Be inspired…” She said.

When one of my closest friends recently went on her trip to New York she sent me this great pic of Times square. Attached a message in brief “Be inspired…”
Amazing.
In an instant the reality of just how small we are in comparison to the universe gave me chills.

Its so true.

Coming out of your shell and onto your stage is not easy. Accepting that your fate is in your hands can be a hard pill to swallow.

Staring at the big picture of things really places perspective on just whats important.

I like this pic because its in motion.
And you have to keep moving,to survive.
Keep improving to be revised.

Be inspired~Norma S. 4/08/10

Higher.

Had a great 7a.m workout.
It feels so good feeling so physically strong.
It makes you feel like you can do almost anything.

During my run,I thought about how one exercises their mind?
To make it “strong.”
So I can believe I can do anything.

Then I looked down at my legs and thought,run.
Run harder.
Run faster.
Push.

And I thought about the softness of others.
The weakness in their flesh,
In their heads.

It made me laugh to think of how far I’m getting ahead while they’re still in bed.

All because I push myself.

All because that’s just how deep I feel,thats whats real.
To fight with yourself on the inside to change the way people see you on the outside,
you must surface.
and resurface.
and resurface.

Getting high off the run.

“Hey sis, what’s in those boxes?”

I was at my sisters one day and she had these huge cardboard boxes at the bottom of her stairs and I always just walked right pass them never really paying them any mind till one day curiosity got the best of me and I asked “hey sis, whats in those boxes?”  She started telling me how the boxes were full of books, way too many books and she had no place to put them all so they never left the box. So I asked her if I could take some of them home with me, she said sure, at first  I too had the same dilemma  of where and what to do with all the books till one day my youngest son Aiden got into them and I saw how fascinated he was with them, obviously to young to comprehend, I realized that the pictures with all the colors and the familiar faces of Mickey Mouse and Dora was what was captivating him. Right then I decided to incorporate them into my livingroom space. Not a big space, but just a small space where he could easily reach them and yet they were still outta of the way.

Being that my house is what I like to call “HQ-head quarters” to so many neighborhood kids and playmates I noticed how much the kids were drawn to the books when they first came over so then I had this idea, I would let the kids each upon leaving take one book with them that they could  read at home and could bring back and exchange for another on their next visit, like a mini library. Even the parents would pick out books,from Runaway Bunny to Charlotte’s Web, Junie B. Jones and Little Golden books, letting the kids pick the ones they want to take was so rewarding and its also nice being that the books are used if I didn’t get them back it was ok. I still had another huge box filled to the top and every so often I’d take the books and switch ‘em around so kids could choose from something different over time.

Encouraging reading even at the earliest ages is always a start in the right direction, you can never go wrong, and with mother nature playing tricks on us with the weather its nice to just snuggle up on the couch turn the tv off and let your little one read to you, even if it’s just  for pretend.

                                                                                                                

Lets talk about “Text”, baby.

“Wzzup”

“Nothin’,u?”

“Miss u.”

“Miss u2″

Strictly Text. The newest craze in relationship status. Basing an entire relationship strictly on text. From “Morning sexy” to “Night luv” to including an occasional xoxoxo between, Purely “textual” relationships offer an array of benefits. Without leaving the comfort of your home and completely on your time,you can choose what to show and when and how to show any information you wish someone knows about you before taking things to a physical level. It allows you to see just how willing a person is to get to know you before jumping into life long commitment. Affairs via text are a great way to ask questions you normally wouldn’t ask. Saved text. Ahh! to reread those saucy, sweet late night text in the middle of the day as many times as you want can almost make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.

Maintaining “E-Love“ is not for the faint of heart. Heaven for bid you send “Sweet Kisses,had a great time” to the wrong recipient. Be ready for sometimes racy photos and down right rated-x text that you instantly erase, maybe just save one. Develope realistic goals and markers for when to take things to another level,dinner and a movie perhaps. Be open and Be honest. Use the advantage of not having to see someones face when you clearly state you wanna wait.

With drawbacks,”nutin’ but txt” liaisons are risky. Remember that anything you send  could be used against you some day. Until your in a committed relationship you’re never to sure of who else your partner is texting?

Bottom line: Any relationship you have on the web,in person,or “strictly textual” should never be something that we rush into or play games with,we should always  get to know someone,how they feel and what their goals are no matter what level of intimacy we are seeking.

Enjoy

Everyone around you loves you, and everybody around you  always will no matter what you do,no matter what you choose, Because you are you and there’s only one of you.

Take risks.

Speak up.

 Go outside.

 But, do something today that makes life better in your own special way.

Go for the fancy coffee with cool whip,get all dressed up today or wear your favorite hoodie with your favorite scarf.

Feeling like maybe your support system could use a little improvement? Remember it will give you what you put into it. Call up old friends,let bygones be bygones,Read your email and not just skim thru it, go on and forward that “Have a good Monday”,you may not like it but someone else might.

Create your safety net,don’t take ”leaps and bounds” when your net has holes in it,either patch’em up or toss ‘em out. People believe in you because you believe in you. People want to see you succeed because it encourages their own success.

 Genuine friendship are those that remain.

Remember that there are people out there that have no one to tell them that they love them. There are hard-working men and women out there that only have themselves to thank.

Decide and make choices with a strong support system by being a part of someones support system.

Openness vs saving face.

Resolve or dissolve?

Which is it, that you do?

Do you put forth the effort to resolve relationships or do you quickly dissolve them?

Do you have real,honest,healthy relationships with your family and friends?

None of us do.

Because at some point down the line we each chose an “oh no she didn’t” moment and turned it into a full-blown “straw that  broke the camel’s back” mindset..

Dissolve.

Resolve:

To bring it back together,to make it work,fix.

 Wow, this sounds like a lot of time and effort. Confrontation and fears of making others upset,or being faced with the truths of our relationships, can seem like a high price to pay for someone else’s mistakes. Maybe.

Can you own up to your feelings?

Are you choking on your words because of  their irreversibility?

Confidence is the fearlessness,the courage we have with our true selves. It’s that conversation that we have that we believe in and the ability to admit that we all make mistakes that only makes us stronger.

Choosing to resolve or dissolve happens to us every day. For some it’s a decision that happened in a flash and for others it happen over years. Regardless, it shouldn’t hold you back.

One of life’s standard of measure.

Who’s the bigger person?

Who can carry it through?

Who uses openness to resolve instead of dissolving to save face?

Which do you do?

Where is the disillusion at?

Conquer whatever keeps you from being you only better at it.

 :)